Life as AFAC

I spoke too soon. The day after publishing the Top 10-ish reasons why I like Shanghai, and the night after I wished I can experience the real Shanghai, I got into a car accident. It was just after lunch and a Buick slammed at our taxi and we smashed the cab in front of us. We were running slowly and was 2 minutes to the office. I felt my whole body slide off the seat. My head hit the windshield and instantly I felt the pain on my neck. My knees hit the dashboard and felt pain on my back. The driver apologized immediately and said he has to settle this first. I told him to bring me to the hospital instead, but I can’t remember what it is in mandarin. But I remembered what doctor is, both written and spoken, or at least what our mandarin teacher said it was. “Daifu. Wo xuyao kan daifu.” (Doctor. I need to see a doctor.) The driver could not understand what I was muttering. Then I remember the fookien term for doctor is I-seng. “Yi Sheng!” That he understood, he said okay but we have to go to the police station first.

I found out later from Kelly that Daifu is such an archaic term for doctor. She was laughing at me, saying the taxi driver must think I’m crazy speaking in archaic Mandarin. “Thou taketh me to a physician!” I wonder if it sounded like this to him. (”Daifu? Fire the teacher!” our MD exclaimed this afternoon.)

Anyway, I was in shock I couldn’t cry but all I could think of was whether I will be covered by the healthcard. The first person I called was our finance manager, Leelee, because my health card hasn’t arrived yet and WorldLink Expats Hospital is ridiculously expensive. Then informed Kathy and Jackie of BBH, and Matt of course, that I had an accident but I seem fine. Then I started sobbing uncontrollably because I didn’t know if I had internal injuries. All I could think of was Princess Di’s car crash, and this article that graphically explains what happens to your body in the first 15sec of a car accident: First the impact will break your neck (and I really felt the impact on my neck!) your knees will get crushed (my knees hit the dashboard!) etc. But at the same time felt so lucky I seem okay externally and that I am a legal resident. Imagine what it’s like if I’m a TNT! (Instead of going to a hospital, I’d go straight to jail!) I also felt so stupid for not wearing a seatbelt just because we are running very slowly and in broad daylight.

An English-speaking man came over and told me we have to go to the police station AND that it’s not his fault, he’s just helping to translate. But I didn’t want to get out tof the car coz I dunno if I have internal injuries. But he said I have to report it and the police hub is just right next to the accident-area. So I reluctantly got out of the car and inside the police station. Another well-dressed woman spoke to me in English and emphasized again that they are not at fault, they are just with the investigating team of sorts. I remember thinking, are they from the insurance agency? They look pretty fashionable for goverment ground public servants. I realized a moment later they were with the car that hit us, MGA BUWISIT, just not the driver.

I was crying, “I WANNA GO TO WORLDLINK! IT’S THE EXPATS HOSPITAL I GO TO IN DANSHUI RD.” But she said we have to go to the Accident Dept first, it’s SOP. Then after a while she said they can give me money instead to go straight to a hospital, no need to go to the Accident Dept. Wait, didn’t she just say that was SOP? What’s going on?! I don’t want any money (although a massage GC would be nice.) I told her to call our office manager, Kathy, coz my phone is low batt. Kathy told her to fuck off, they need stay with me and go with me to the hospital; then she told me to stay put because Yinbo and Kelly will come get me.

I asked for the driver’s card and he turns out to be a Vice something of Admin of a Chinese investments company. Alan something. What pisses me off is he never apologized, not even for all the hassle he caused! I have heard him apologize to his mates in Chinese for the hassle he’s caused them, but not to me!! Whathefu–?! He never even came near me or acknowledged my presence until I demanded for the card of the driver. (See Matt, people in financial institutions in China are really pricks. I’ve only met two, a brit and shang’nese and both are ill-mannered.)

Yinbo and Kels came in a few minutes and by that time all the licenses and reports have all been delivered to the main police station already. How efficient these communists are. That Alan driver drove us to the accident dept of the nearest gov’t hospital. It was pretty high tech, but so slow, if I had internal bleeding I would’ve died before I was attended to. We had to go around and around to register, go to a doctor, go to a diff area to pay, then go to an xray room, then go to another building to do ct scan etc. Good thing Yinbo was there, he’s technically a local. (A Shanghainese back as an expat… best of both worlds!) The driver didn’t even offer to do the rounds himself.

Yinbo also served as my translator but being a prankster, he would invent his own translations. Like, the doc would say something, then he would translate, “He says they have to cut you open.” So while having my xray, he was saying, “Chin up..higher… now, take off your pants but keep your panties on.” We all kept laughing. He repeated it. We laughed again. Kelly finally said, “”No really, take off your pants but keep your panties on.”

It took sooo long to see a doctor then get the xray then ct scan for my head then see the doctor again then have another ct scan for my spine just to be sure… and the ct scan was in another building across a small road. Imagine, this is the Accident Department! Kelly and I felt so lucky we have better lives. Being born to Chinese families who had the chance to flee China at its worst, it’s not hard to put ourselves in poor mainlanders’ shoes. What life would have been had fate been unkind? Kels bought food and kept telling me stories to make me laugh and make me feel better. I never had anything that day, so we while we were waiting for the doctor we were eating chips, laughing, and having a party while my eyes were puffy from crying.

I wondered if that Alan felt he’s so unlucky or so lucky. Unlucky because he lost his wallet that lunch time (hah! driving without a license too!) and hit us right after lunch and aside from me at the hospital, there are two cars with huge dents. Lucky because we’re in Shanghai and not in sue-country New York! And lucky we’re in this piss-smelling gov’t hospital and not at Worldlink which would’ve cost him at two months’ salary IF he is earning a decent salary to start with. He only spent rmb 780+ on my hospital bills which is about P5100 only. (On hindsight, I wished we went to Worldlink because he never ever apologized, I mean, if he’s decent enough and just wanted not to lose face, he could’ve told Yinbo to extend his apologies to me. Not necessarily to admit his fault, but at least for all the inconvenience he’s caused. But noooo!)

The results came and I didn’t have any fracture. (My mum was right, when we were kids she always complained I am “hard-headed” (headstrong.) Then we have to go to the main police station to file our versions. That Alan was driving, and #$%^ he was taking on his mobile while driving!! Some people never learn! I so wanted to scream “Hey, don’t talk when your mouth is full!” ay mali “Don’t talk on the phone when driving!” But by the time I was asking Yinbo to translate he was done.

Yinbo by the way was heaven-sent. All the reports must be done in Chinese so he had to write my version of events. Basically what happened was this stupid cab driver in front of us was unfamiliar with the road and stopped in the middle of the road. My cab driver hit the brakes in time not to hit her. The car behind us didn’t brake in time. (Or he must be tailgating that’s why he slammed on us.) The three drivers had to stay longer at the station to find out who pays for what. My cab driver apologized again for the inconvenience, and I said “Mei Guan Xi. It’s not your fault.” I can get used to having a translator beside me, it feels like I’m in a Ms Universe pageant final 3 Q&A round, or an important political figure in international peace talks.

It was still early so I went to Ikea after to buy cheese grater and bowls I’ve been needing for so long. (Yes, could be an ad for Ikea.) I should’ve gone home, coz I started feeling dizzy from all that crying, and my back and neck is still hurting. (I feel like Batman, I can’t move my neck and have to move my whole torso when talking to someone.) Arto our CEO called me up that night telling me not to go to work the next day… nor go to Ikea.

I came to work today and read that last Wednesday Jackie emailed everyone using the standard format when people miss a cab or drop by a bank before coming to work;

“Carol got car accident, will be in later.”

The taxi drivers are honest, they don’t choose passengers, and you don’t get whines such as what Manila Envelope magazine pointed out: “It’s too far” “Too near” “It’s traffic” and “I’m not going that way.”

It’s very safe. Even walking alone in the streets at 3am. Not that I tried.

BBH is waaay cool! It’s true, we only hire very good and very nice people. Across the board.

I’m learning a new language! But I forget most words 5 minutes after I learn them.

It’s not 31 degrees yet like it was in the Phils last week.

Internet is everywhere so I get updated with friends and family back home. (If I hadn’t had my cable cut, I would’ve been updated with Filipino chismis too!)

Food is good.

I earn a little more. (But spending a lot more too since I have to start from scratch. I only have 2 plates, 1 bowl and 2 glasses so far. Haha. I’m looking forward to be able to give more for my father’s twice-weekly dialysis once. Give it time…)

Public restrooms have toilet papers.

My bags don’t get inspected by magic wand everytime I walk in a mall or building.

RMB is getting stronger. Yay!

Discussing the most mundane things with my Ayi (maid), taxi drivers, and maintainance guys turn into one funny adventure. My charades talent is getting better.

Tips are not expected. And in the rare occasion that you give it, they are appreciative.

Cops are generally efficient. There is a centralized number to call and action is pretty quick. You must get a Chinese-speaking friend to do it for you though. Or you’ll never understand each other.

My art director partner has arrived! You wouldn’t believe how easier it is to brainstorm now vs brainstorming with my schizophrenic self. Plus, Yinbo is hilarious! He has a distinct New Yorker accent and Mainlander accent in one! Plus he is my personal translator and lunch food picker (since I can’t read then menu) and live map.

My condominium block is a small community in itself: wet market, 24hr convenience shops, big supermarket, laundry shop, restos, atm, police, spa, park, post office… and even a Catholic church within walking distance.

I like my place. It has a garden view, a nice kitchen, enough space to kalat but no things yet to kalat with.

I have new friends. Social life suck though, since I’m holed up in the office most of the time.

There are many flights between Hai and HK so I can see more of Matt. (But HK-MLA flights are much, much cheaper.)

Pinoys here are mostly professionals: architects, interior designers, business owners, marketing people. Or in the service industry (English-speaking waiters). Or band members. Even the Pinoy Ayis charge a lot more because Laowais (foreigners) are predisposed to believe they are better, nicer and more hygienic. So Pinoys here, I believe, are quite looked up to.

Nobody wants to mess with China right now, not even terrorists if they don’t really have to.

It’s one o’clock in the morning and the office is running full steam ahead. It feels like 10 in the morning. Our pitch is tomorrow afternoon and since last week we’ve been going home at dawn, including weekends. Right now I’m just waiting to proofread copy and put descriptions on the leave behind materials. Which means I’m the last to go home! waaah.

My cousin Ainhoa wants to intern in Shanghai this summer to find out what it’s like to be in advertising. Maybe when she sees how impossibly hard we work she’ll cross this out from her career options. hahahah.

Can’t wait for tomorrow. I’m going to Banyan Tree downstairs and have a two-hour Feng massage. Courtesy of Matt. He sent me a GC as a Vday surprise. He was the one who got surprised I think, because it arrived two days later. hahaha. There are 5 packages to choose one, I’m going for the Fire-Season of Summer package. I was sold on the copy: “Cooling mung beans are used in the Golden Gram Scrub to soothe skin and expel toxins from the body. A Lomi Lomi Massage, inspired by exotic Hawaii, uses rhythmic strokes to ease and loosen muscles, revitalising the body and mind.”

Actually, I am just curious what a Lomi-lomi massage is like. hehe. Jologs pa rin.

Heniway, here are some pic of me and Yinbo goofing around while our bosses are in a heated debate about which directions to forward. He just got his new MacPro that day so we were playing around the Photobooth. I look so fat in the pix. I gained weight here but I’m not thaaaat fat, I just opened my mouth too wide thus the massive double chin.

It’s one o’clock in the morning and the office is running full steam ahead. It feels like 10 in the morning. Our pitch is tomorrow afternoon and since last week we’ve been going home at dawn, including weekends. Right now I’m just waiting to proofread copy and put descriptions on the leave behind materials. Which means I’m the last to go home! waaah.

My cousin Ainhoa wants to intern in Shanghai this summer to find out what it’s like to be in advertising. Maybe when she sees how impossibly hard we work she’ll cross this out from her career options. hahahah.

Can’t wait for tomorrow. I’m going to Banyan Tree downstairs and have a two-hour Feng massage. Courtesy of Matt. He sent me a GC as a Vday surprise. He was the one who got surprised I think, because it arrived two days later. hahaha. There are 5 packages to choose one, I’m going for the Fire-Season of Summer package. I was sold on the copy: “Cooling mung beans are used in the Golden Gram Scrub to soothe skin and expel toxins from the body. A Lomi Lomi Massage, inspired by exotic Hawaii, uses rhythmic strokes to ease and loosen muscles, revitalising the body and mind.”

Actually, I am just curious what a Lomi-lomi massage is like. hehe. Jologs pa rin.

Heniway, here are some pic of me and Yinbo goofing around while our bosses are in a heated debate about which directions to forward. He just got his new MacPro that day so we were playing around the Photobooth. I look so fat in the pix. I gained weight here but I’m not thaaaat fat, I just opened my mouth too wide thus the massive double chin.

It’s 2 in the morning and I am still in the office brainstorming and have no idea what time I am going home. What have I gotten myself into??!

AFAC is now A Foreigner Who Doesn’t See What’s Outside the Office (AFWDSWOO). It’s like I never left Manila.

Just 3 months in China and I got my first roadside accident. Last saturday after my check up, I was crossing the street and out of nowhere a motorcycle sped on a curve and hit me!!! BLAM! I didn’t know what hit me. It went on running and only stopped because the woman next to the driver got a bit off balanced. I saw that and it was kinda funny and I thought, BUTI NGA! The motorcycle banged on my shin (OW!) I was wearing thick levi’s denim and thermal leggings underneath and my shin still got scraped. They just looked at me, pissed, didn’t even help me or apologize, and sped off. I am still able to walk after, but that night my shin got black and blue and swollen! Now it’s still a bit swollen and bruised but better. I actually considered (briefly) of going back to the hospital to have it xrayed. But I just paid rmb4400 for a rectal ultrasound and gyne check up (another story)!!!!!!! That’s about 28,000 pesoses! Good thing I’m going to be reimbursed because that is almost one month’s rent!
I’ll have an xray done in the Phils when I go home next week, just to be sure there’s no crack. I so miss the tropical climate and food (FOOD!!!!) and company of good friends and family. And cheap(er) shopping. One thing I’m not missing is the kaskasero motorists. I get that all the time (as you can see) it seems like I never left home.

Maricar loves Hongkong. She wants to live there. HK doesn’t really excite me that much, dunno what to do except to shop and eat. But a rmb600 roundtrip airfare promo is hard to resist. Boy did I shop and eat! On my first day, I blew my budget for the week. (Hey, Zara, Morgan, and the rest of the shops were on sale!) On my second day I was using credit card and rmb. Yikes!
I ate lots and lots and lots. Greek, Italian, Portugese, Chinese, NY, vietnamese food… yum! I so love to eat. I think it’s impossible to stay angry with good food. I remember an ex who confessed to me a break up-worthy confession, but treated me to really good food that I was pissed and happy at the same time. “HOW CAN YOU DO THAT??! btw this chicken is really good… AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS JUST NOW… ONE YEAR LATER??! please pass the rice…”

I also met people I’ve met at Tim and Lara’s wedding, plus a few of Matt’s friends. We ate at Red Pepper which was supposed to be a famous local place but that night it seemed full of gweilos.

That Friday Matt treated me to Macau which is just a one hour boat ride from HK. On the boat TV was a really weird and funny Japanese game show called Kasohi Taishow. People were dressed like things such as a giant washing machine and giant clothes and they reinact what happens inside the tub. Or they dress as a giant lint remover and some dress up as lint and they roll back and forth.
Bugger my camera went dead when sightseeing. We saw some nice old architecture but they won’t let us in coz they’re all private property. Didn’t see the famous touristy places too because we didn’t do our research. But it’s okay, we went there on a whim and had fun. So I just took a pix of the pier wallpaper with all the famous places, haha.

Played for the first time in a casino too! But just did slot machine and roulette. Basically because those were all I can understand and all I can afforD. I was quite bored with that, I’m really not a gambler. I enjoyed watching the Filipino dancers onstage more. What I liked most was walking in the huge park and eating at Fernando’s. yum, Yum, YUM!
Then we had dinner at Aqua, one of HK’s posh restos which overlooks the HK island. It is so sosy you need reservations days in advance, and first thing Matt did was to make a walrus face, haha!
From up there I can see the brightly lit carnival rides at the fair across the water. (Ferris Wheel!!!!) I love ferris wheels. Everytime I think of it I remember an old Close Up ad starring Tonton Guttierez and Dawn Zulueta (before they were famous). When the ride ended they were being escorted out then Tonton pulled out from his pocket a looong line of ferris wheel tickets! I was a little girl then but for some reason I found that romantic. Or maybe because I just like the ride and imagine myself with all that stubs riding the wheel nonstop.

On my stopover to HK this CNY I am going to ride that ferris wheel and no one’s gonna stop me.

Being an expat changes one’s perspective faster than I thought. Especially on travelling. Back home it seems so hard to travel. It’s not necessarily expensive, but since people are generally earning just enough or a little bit extra, it’s seems harder to part with money you’ve spent ages to save on a 3-day trip. People also feel guilty taking long vacations while everyone else is at work, or worse, doing more overtime because of your load. I should know, I had about a month’s worth of VLs forfeited in BBDO in my three year stint there. (Nobody told me it’s non-transferable to next year!!! I should’ve taken more time off!)
“Sarap mo naman, pabaka-bakasyon lang. (Wow you’re living the high life, all you do is take vacations here and there.)” In a country where people work very hard, take countless sidelines for extra money (starting from teachers selliing longganisa to notary publics accepting labada), and take up nursing not exactly for the love of the job but for money and an exit visa… taking a lot of time off can be misconstrued as lazy, not taking your job seriously, or maluho (spendthrift). The traditional concept is to work hard all your life, and enjoy the fruits of your labor when you’re old and errr…. don’t have the energy to enjoy travelling anymore.
Here in BBH Shanghai, travelling around the world seems like the norm. Everyone seems so well-travelled, not just the whiteys but the asians as well. The Sings talk about France like it’s Cubao. The Chinese have studied in London. Some just went to Australia, Greece, Cambodia for R&R. And a couple of weeks ago, our MD told my boss I have to use up my 2006 VL or it will be forfeited. And my boss made me take a holiday even if we had a pitch coming up.
So without much thought I booked a flight to HK and a side trip to Macau. Just like that. And I’m glad I did.

I wonder what is the fascination with China and bridges. They had famous ones since the beginning of time and now have the longest trans-sea bridge, but not for long, because in a year or two a trans-oceanic bridge that crosses several seas will be finished, bridging Shanghai and whatever-Zhou (there are many sound-alike places that end with Zhou. Su zhou and Xu zhou for instance are 240 miles apart.) When I went to Macau last week, there were two massive bridges connecting it (I think) to HK.
Actually this post has nothing to do with China. I am going to write about Bridges of Madison County. I saw a DVD lying around our office and decided to watch it in full for the first time. It’s so heart breaking. If Francesca stays, she knows she will lose the love of her life. If she follows her heart, she knows she may destroy that love too. Either way she won’t be happy.
What I find more intriguing is the time it took for them to realize they are MFEO. Four days. Four sunrises and he knew his life’s work was all but a pathway leading to her. Four sleeps and she knew she will never be the same again. Melodramatic. I wonder if these whims of fate are really possible.
Anyway, there is a nice quote from Clint Eastwood: “This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.”
I can so relate. Last week in Hongkong. I saw this pair of blood red patent lace up ankle boots at Morgan. I had absolutely no more money and it hurts so much. I took out my credit card, took a deep breath, and wore it limping.

I hate prank callers. In 2005 I was featured on tv for my face painting biz and shortly after, in a national daily for my bags. Both succeeded in coaxing me to give my contact numbers to get business prospects. Gosh, that was a mistake. My phone won’t stop ringing, but mostly from horny losers who were more interested in me than my biz. I hate it because I’d wake up in the middle of the night thinking it’s from my mom or friend in trouble only to hear lonely OFWs from Oman, Dubai and Saudi who saw the segment on TFC (The Filipino Channel) and want to be “friends”. Then I’d get really obscene texts and calls to the point that I complained to the National Telecoms Commission but they said to block a phone, the process takes so long and the caller can easily get a new sim. Plus the guy was asking for kotong to hasten the process. I said forget it. I just left my phone at home. But I can’t do that forever because I need my phone for work. Sometimes I would take the call and leave the phone on the table so the prank caller’s load will get used up. Good for him!
It took about two months before the prank callers stopped, then after a few moments of silence I’d wake up at 530am again with rings and beeps. The show rerun! It had about four reruns from 2005 to 2006 and it was just crazy. Maybe this is my karma. When we were bored as kids we would look out the window and copy telephone numbers on our neighbors’ signages. Patricularly this shop called Crown Shell. Nothing was airconditioned then and we could see the secretary on the desk from our window. My siblings and I would take turns dialling, while the rest of us would look out the window and see her pick up the phone and mouth “hello?” Then we would slam the phone. Then do it again. I don’t know why that was so much fun for us then. We would also pick a number from the yellow pages and order elaborately from a batchoyan and when they say “Para sa diin?” (For which address?) we’d say “Para sa ido!” (For a dog) and slam the phone. We’d keep laughing and laughing and that must be really fun ‘coz our nanays (nanny) would play along. Thank God Nintendo and Gameboy was soon invented.
So it must be payback time now. But how come I’m the one paying for all our faults? My siblings never got this much prank calls. Good thing there were a couple of nice texts too, from moms who said I inspired them to keep supporting their artist kids. One mom in particular, Susan, had a daughter in UST fine arts advertising (my same univ, same course) in her first year. She wanted her girl to quit on the second sem because times were hard and she felt her daughter will starve to death with a course like that. Then she saw me on tv and I didn’t look like I’m starving (yeah I’m fat!) and seem to be living the good life. So she said she’ll allow her daughter to continue with her chosen path. She continued to correspond with me every so often until I flew here and had my globe phone cut. The last time she texted, her daughter Sugar was already in 3rd year college and she was asking my advice how I’d feel if I were her daughter and I was asked to stop school for at least a year because the bread winner son was laid off. Being able to give her comfort and hope made all those prank calls worth it. Sort of. Not!
Since last week I’ve been getting prank texts and calls on my Smart phone. Last night my phone kept ringing, and the first time, I answered it thinking twas mhy mom (roaming phones don’t show numbers). The other party hung up. Then it kept ringing and ringing again and I thought, it may be an important call or the other party would stop calling. Besides, my Smart phone is unlisted so I must know this person. I answered it and I got a male squeaking, “h-hello?” Dammit I turned my phone off. That b*****d just cost me over a hundred bucks! Turned out he was my ex-neighbor who got my number from another neighbor. And he knew I was abroad!! How inconsiderate. He’s the barkada of my neighbor who they say had a crush on me for the longest time (not my type). And he confessed through a slew of texts that he also had a crush on me since he met me. He’s funny and all but again, not my type. (Remember Carl’s Pope Palpatine theory?)
My gorgeous friend Claire once declared, “I am not single by choice. I am single for lack of good choices.” Bravo.